


Red Threads and Deathbeds

by errizabesu



Series: Sometimes, I Think of You [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bittersweet, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Possibly a very cheesy concept of soulmates, Romance, Suga you're so in love, together but not together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-13 00:57:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11173656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/errizabesu/pseuds/errizabesu
Summary: Sugawara and Daichi are in love. They are what one would call tied by the red thread of fate. However, an unfortunate event prevents them from being together despite what is written in the stars.And we all know you can never be just friends with someone you once fell in love with.“Sorry I kind of spaced out. You remind me of someone.”“That’s funny, perhaps we’ve met before?”“In this lifetime? I don’t think so."





	1. Red Thread

**Author's Note:**

> I have decided not to tag this one DaiYui because it focuses on Daichi and Suga.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He’s your friend too, be more considerate!” Michimiya tries to ride Suga with guilt.  
> Sadly, that’s probably all they’ll ever be despite the red thread that bonds them.

When Sugawara Koushi first laid eyes on Sawamura Daichi, it never crossed his mind that he would fall so hopelessly in love with him. Neither did he ever thought that his love would lead them to where they are now, to _how_ they are now.

So close, but so far away.

Suga already had a bad feeling when Michimiya insisted him to meet her boyfriend. But Suga shrugged it off, thinking it was just him being his usual self: not wanting to meddle with other people’s love life. Now that the said man is standing right in front of him, Suga knows for certain why.

“Oh, I’ve always wanted for you two to meet,” Michimiya chirps.

_But we already have_.

“Suga-kun, this is my boyfriend.”

When Sugawara Koushi first met Sawamura Daichi, he never thought that he’s tied by the red thread to the person standing in front of him.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Sawamura but you can call me Daichi.”

_I know_.

In sight, but out of reach.

Their first meeting was long ago—lifetimes ago and Suga doesn’t bother to keep track of time. There’s no point in it. The situation back then is somewhat similar to theirs now; they’re in their early twenties, it’s late at night, and they’re meeting in a crowded place. So when Daichi turns to face Suga, his eyes welcoming and warm as always, Suga felt his tongue dry from nostalgia.

Familiar, but not the same.

Suga would promise that he’ll never forget the happiness he shared with Daichi, the joy he brought to his life, the smiles he brought to his face—but he hates making promises he couldn’t keep.

*

“Suga-kun,” Michimiya called in sing-song. She was hoping for a lively response but the best Suga could offer her in the middle of a busy week is a lifeless _hmm_ and it clearly isn’t enough for Michimiya. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Suga lazily turns his attention to Michimiya, his best friend since junior high, and muttered an incoherent response. “This better be important.”

“It is!” Michimiya claims. “Let’s have dinner tonight.”

Suga throws her a confused side glance, “Huh?”

“Dinner. The last meal of the day. After work,” Michimiya says in her peculiar choice of words. “I want to introduce you to someone.”

“If you’re trying to set me up on another blind date, don’t. Forget it,” Suga refuses as he slumps on his chair.

Michimiya snickered, “Quite the opposite actually. I want you to meet my boyfriend.”

Suga suddenly sits up straight, “You mean _finally_ meet the boyfriend you have been bragging about? Hah, and here I thought you were just making things up to make your life sound less miserable.”

“Well, excuse me for wanting some privacy,” Michimiya exclaims. She pouts and folds her arms across her chest.

“Alright then, show me the guy who is unfortunate enough to fall to the likes of you,” Suga teased.

Michimiya throws a pencil at Suga’s direction, “Promise me you’ll behave.”

“Michi-chan, we both know I’m the civilized one among us,” Suga raised his shoulders and earned another pencil thrown at him.

“I’m not joking! He’s way out of my league,” Michimiya screeched, “I seriously like this one and I want us to have a future together. Please, you know how self-conscious I am, promise me you won’t embarrass me.”

“Oh that one you can do by yourself—ow!” a marker landed on Suga’s side. Seriously, is someone willingly dating this cavewoman?

“That one incident at the company karaoke never happened,” Michimiya insists.

Suga lets out his wide grin and it made Michimiya even more panicky.

“And don’t you dare make him fall in love with you!”

Suga throws the two pencils and marker back to Michimiya, “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

_You’re an attractive guy with a promising career and a likeable personality_ , Michimiya wanted to say but she didn’t want to look shallow and insecure in front of Suga.

“He’s a great guy, I mean who wouldn’t have a crush on him?” Michimiya says instead.

Suga rolls his eyes, “You’re so biased, nobody is _that_ great.”

“Promise me!” Michimiya whines.

“Fine, whatever geez,” at this point Suga would agree to anything if he can hurry back to work.

*

It only took Suga one glance to know that he has broken his words long before he even said them.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Sawamura but you can call me Daichi.”

_I know_.

Instead of reaching for a handshake, Suga has his eyes locked to Daichi’s. He has black hair – in their previous life he had brown hair that looks pretty good on him, really, but Suga prefers his natural black. His cheek bones are more visible. His lips, the exact same lips that Suga used (and loved) to kiss, has the same shape and color. His eyes still have the same shine, a very Daichi kind of shine. Even after countless of ‘first meetings’ Suga can still feel his heart flutter as if it was their ultimate first.

“Oh, hello I’m Suga,” Suga snaps out and quickly reaches for Daichi’s open hand, “Sorry I was spacing out. You look familiar so I thought we’ve met before.”

Daichi chuckles, oh even his laugh is the same, “That’s not possible. I don’t think I can forget a face like yours.”

This is the part where Suga’s heart sink and he is remembered of their circumstance.

“Daichi is a medical intern at Tohoku General Hospital, maybe you’ve seen him there,” Michimiya suggested, “In fact, that is how I met him. Remember that time I accidentally cut myself with a craft knife when we were making a maquette? Daichi’s the one who stitched my hand back in shape.”

“I was the one who had to assure you that you’re not going to die of blood loss,” Daichi reminded Michimiya of her own ridiculousness that day.

“Oh come on Daichi, you’re supposed to be saying nice things about me and – ooh!” Michimiya jumps up from her seat, “That’s our reservation number! Come on guys, I only hear good things about this restaurant.”

Daichi lets out a small laugh before following his girlfriend’s steps. He throws a quick glance towards Suga who is still sitting down on his seat, “Come on Suga.”

The rest of the evening was particularly difficult for Suga. Even though Michimiya was right about the restaurant serving the best ramen in the neighborhood, reuniting with Daichi is never easy for Suga. Of course, Michimiya is not to blame. After all, she only wanted to have the two closest people in her life to be friends.

Michimiya first met Daichi at Tohoku General Hospital when she needed stitches after hurting herself with a craft knife. Ten days later she came back to the hospital to get the stitches removed, also by Daichi. Michimiya admits she fell for Daichi instantly even though she only found the courage to ask him out much later. They started dating a few months after the craft knife incident. However, Michimiya never properly introduces Daichi to her friends–Suga being the first to officially meet him and even that took several months after they started dating.

Daichi knows how to hold up a conversation and he made sure Suga doesn’t feel like a third wheel during their dinner. Suga is amazed by how Daichi’s personality cease to change in almost every lifetime. He is still friendly, nice, has a heartwarming smile. His favorite food is still shoyu ramen and he adores wine. His laugh is still loud and he would hold his stomach when he laughs too hard. It’s funny how Michimiya tries hard to let Suga know more about Daichi when in fact he probably knows too much about him already–including their forgotten past lives.

“So what do you think of him?” Michimiya asked in whisper although it isn’t necessary because Daichi excused himself to the toilet.

Suga gulps his drink before answering, “He’s nice.”

_Such an understatement_ , Suga mentally said to himself.

“I told you he’s amazing!” Michimiya says excitedly.

Suga chuckles and places his empty sake glass on the table, “I can see why you like him.”

“You’re a bit quiet tonight, is everything alright?” Michimiya asks as she poured herself and Suga another round.

“I’m just tired from work,” Suga tries to assure Michimiya (and himself).

“I really hope you two can be friends,” Michimiya said with a smile.

_You can never be friends with someone you once fell in love with_.

Suga responds with a smile albeit a forced one. He’s happy for Michimiya, he truly is, because despite what is written in the stars there is no way he could ever be together with Daichi.

*

 It happened a long time ago – way too long for Suga to remember clearly how it started. All he remembers is that he and Daichi are indeed tied by the red string of fate. Suga wouldn’t have believed in such things if only he hadn’t met the lunar god himself. Yeah, those were the time of myths and in a land of magic. Nowadays everything is so dull and emotionless.

Suga remembers who he was in his first life. He was the son of the court physician and Daichi was crown prince. Despite being born to a family of nobles, there is no way he could have a relationship with Daichi, the heir to the throne. The kingdom needs its future king and the dynasty needs the bloodline to continue their legacy. Of course, that didn’t stop Daichi from falling for Suga and vice versa. Daichi would use his authority to find time together and those were the most thrilling and beautiful memories they shared.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t keep their relationship a secret for long as the king found out and will do anything in his power to separate them, including the use of dark magic. It takes powerful magic to break a bond as sacred as the red thread and even the greatest sorcerer to ever walk this earth can only bend and not break it.

Not being able to recall blurry details, that is how Daichi and Suga end in a never-ending reincarnation circle. The sorcerer indeed succeeds in separating them but what is written in the sky, remains as it is. Daichi and Suga are still tied by the red thread however circumstances never allow them to be together. In each life, only one of them remembers their past life, their shared history, and their love while the other can only remember very little if anything at all.

It’s not hard for the other to regain full memories. It’s not like they have to cross stormy seas and battle a fire breathing dragon like in the old days. No. It only takes a kiss. One passionate kiss and all the memories will come back in an instant. But there is a catch and this is where the sorcerer’s curse take place. The moment the other regains his memories, remembers their bond, and reclaims his love, the reincarnation circle restarts. The one who remembers will die, leaving the other alone with all the regained memories but no one to share it with.

After numerous cycles, Suga starts to recognize a pattern. Somehow Daichi will show up in his life no matter how hard he tries to avoid him. For some reason Daichi will always enter his life as someone close to him, as if the curse is trying to torture him more than it already is. As if it is forcing Suga to be with Daichi without being able to actually _be_ with him. And Suga knows, no matter how hard he tries, he will never love anyone as much as he loves Daichi.

Daichi once reincarnated as Suga’s neighbor which of course became his childhood friend. Once as his roommate in college – that one was tough. He was also once his boss at work. Another time, he was a new barista at a café Suga frequents. No matter when, where, under what circumstances Suga would fall for Daichi without question.

By default, Suga tries to avoid Daichi. However, there are times Suga would let himself get involved in Daichi’s life – like the time he was stuck in an abusive relationship. But most of the times, such as now, Suga prefers to keep his distance and watch from afar. He knows he would die the moment Daichi regains his memory and that would mean that Daichi will live the rest of his life haunted by their past lives, he wants to spare Daichi that pain for as long as he possibly can.

Another reason is that Michimiya is by far the best partner Daichi has had in a long time. Daichi is kind hearted as he’s always been and people tend to take him for granted. As much as Suga wants to hate Michimiya, he really can’t. Michimiya is nice, funny, and loyal. She treasures Daichi and makes him feel loved. And knowing their limits, there is nothing more Suga wants than to see Daichi happy.

Isn’t that what love is? It’s because you _love_ that you worry, you support, and you want to make someone happy.

*

Suga’s brain stripped to its basic fight-or-flight mode upon hearing Michimiya’s request. Luckily his common sense stopped him from doing anything he might regret later; like mindlessly confessing his everlasting love for Michimiya’s boyfriend, straining their friendship or sparking a string of unwanted questions from her. Michimiya gave a smile, her trademark gummy smile as she waits eagerly for Suga’s response. The mistake Suga made was looking up and catching Michimiya’s hopeful stare.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Suga hesitates.

“Oh come on!” Michimiya groans and throws her head back, “It’s a big day for Daichi, are you really going to let him down?”

“ _Me_ letting him down?” Suga refuses the blame, “I’m not the one who has a client meeting in Hokkaido on the day of his white coat ceremony. You’re the lover damn it, act like one.”

Ah, the familiar twinge in his chest every time Suga points out that hurtful fact.

“He’s your friend too, be more considerate!” Michimiya tries to ride Suga with guilt.

_He’s your friend too_.

Sadly, that’s probably all they’ll ever be despite the red thread that bonds them.

“I still think accompanying him to the after party is a tad bit too much,” Suga insists. People bring dates to events like this for goodness sake.

“Absolutely not,” Michimiya assures.

“You do realize you’re making your boyfriend bring another date to a formal event, right?” Suga raises an eyebrow.

“Well who else am I supposed to ask?” Michimiya asks and showers Suga with desperate stares. “Oikawa?”

Pfft, as beautiful as the bastard can be, he’s not Daichi’s type.

“Are you out of your mind? Iwaizumi doesn’t play nice,” Suga says rather too loud.

“Please, Suga, please I beg of you,” Michimiya drops her head low and clasps her hands together, “I feel horrible not being there for Daichi. You have to go in my place.”

Suga felt bad and he isn’t sure whether it’s because of Michimiya’s pleads or other unmentionable reasons.

“You know, I’m sure you two would be great friends if you just give him the chance,” Michimiya cautiously mentions.

Suga understands what Michimiya meant. Although he approves their relationship, never once Suga shows his support. Suga would unconsciously act quieter when Daichi is around. He avoids being left alone with Daichi and only does small talk. Michimiya even asked him if there is a problem because he thought that for some reason he dislikes Daichi.

“I think this’ll be a great opportunity for you two to get to know each other better,” Michimiya adds.

_Oh Yui, I already know him more than you ever will_.

“Why does it even matter?” Suga groaned.

“Because as annoying as you can be, I trust your opinion,” Michimiya insisted with a rare seriousness in her voice, “Because you’re my best friend.”

Suga feels bad and he hopes like hell it doesn’t show in his face.

“I’ll think about it,” Suga slowly gave in and it was enough to bring joy back in Michimiya’s face.

“I know I can count on you!” Michimiya exclaims happily even though Suga hasn’t promised anything, “You know what, I’ll get you some more coffee.”

Michimiya jumps up and skips to the cashier before Suga is able to say anything. They’ve been friends for years now that Michimiya has Suga’s coffee order memorized on the back of his head. Suga used the few solitary minutes to sigh heavily.

“So it begins,” Suga whispers to himself. His eyes empty and a painful smile curls on his lips as he blankly stares through the wide window of the coffee shop.


	2. Deathbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This whole evening feels nostalgic,” Daichi adds. “Like a very long déjà vu.”  
> “That is odd,” Suga says in response, hoping his voice doesn’t reveal too much.

When Sugawara Koushi first had his hand held by Sawamura Daichi, it made his heart skip a beat. Lifetimes later, it still does. Well, some things just cease to change.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you! Come, there’s fruit cake by the buffet,” Daichi said as he takes Suga by his hand, completely unaware of how it wrecks him inside. Daichi takes a slice and offers to share. He jokes around before giving Suga the fork and for a moment there Suga felt like he was back in their first life, until Daichi says, “Michimiya told me you like fruit cake, aside from mapo tofu.”

Ah, right, Michimiya Yui. Daichi’s girlfriend, Suga’s best friend. She has a client meeting in Hokkaido and made Suga accompany Daichi to his white coat ceremony, a symbolic event that marks a doctor’s transition from the study of preclinical to clinical health sciences. The ceremony itself isn’t too hard although Suga couldn’t say the same about the party afterwards.

It’s too nostalgic, to say the least. Now that Daichi has returned into his life, Suga cannot help but think of their pervious lives. How they met in different places, different times, how they fell in love in each and every one of them, how they fell in love the first place. It was a party too, yes, Suga remembers. Him and Daichi were the only younger attendees and what supposed to be casual talk to kill time triggered a ripple effect, one that ends up with them trapped in a reincarnation circle. Suga has seen the crown prince numerous times before, usually on castle grounds when he’s assisting his father with work. Their eyes met once or twice and while Daichi throws a smile, Suga will drop his gaze down because one, his parents warned him about behaving properly in front of the royal family and two, goddamnit heart stop pounding like crazy!

“ _Spicy_ mapo tofu,” Suga corrected.

“Right,” Daichi acknowledges his mistake. “With steaming hot rice and cold beer.”

“God yes, you know me so well—“ Suga snaps back to his senses and jumps in panic, “I mean—Michimiya! She knows me so well, haha. She must have told you, right?”

Thankfully Daichi isn’t creeped out. “She did, yeah.”

Suga lets out a relieved sigh. Despite his best efforts to keep his distance with Daichi, they are destined lovers after all. Suga can feel the walls he built around him slowly crumble, Daichi unconsciously and effortlessly breaking through. Sometimes Suga wonders, is the curse pushing Daichi closer to him or does Daichi simply has him wrapped around his finger—even when he doesn’t realize?

After finishing the fruit cake, Daichi showed Suga around. He pointed some of the prominent figures attending the party—his supervisor, his professors, his chief-resident. Daichi explained the hospital’s background, from its first year until becoming one of the most important hospitals in the prefecture. Daichi showed Suga his favorite view from the top floor (facing east where they can observe Sendai from above) and his favorite corner to spend his five-minute breaks. Suga is following one step beside Daichi, but the other would always look aside to make sure he’s still there. Daichi would tap his shoulder to get his attention and point in a certain direction before continuing whatever it is he’s currently trying to show. When they meet some of Daichi’s co-workers, he would throw an arm over Suga’s shoulders (like best buds would, Suga assures himself) as Daichi introduces him. Occasionally, Daichi will take Suga by his hand as he guides the way and Suga will let him, because it wasn’t until that evening Suga is reminded how nice everything is when Daichi is around.

“Oh Sawamura-senpai!” a tall, thin man with blonde hair and glasses calls from afar. Daichi happily waves and approaches him. When they’re close enough, Suga can see a man with feline-like eyes standing next to glasses boy.

“Is this the mystery lover you never bother to introduce to us?” the man shamelessly points out. Glasses boy threw him a side glare, something in the lines of _that was supposed to be discreet_ kind of stare.

“You came all the way from Tokyo to gossip about my love life? That’s just sad, Kuroo,” Daichi says.

“I came because there’s free food. So, is this him? The newbies were talking about Sawamura-senpai’s lover finally making a public appearance,” Kuroo said. He gave Suga a not-so-subtle stare from head to toe, he grins and it made Suga’s face red.

“ _Some_ newbies,” glasses boy corrects (or defends himself, as Suga sees).

“Right, some newbies,” Kuroo nods, “Tsukishima is in no way involved.”

Suga can see Tsukishima conflicted between rolling his eyes and throwing Kuroo yet another death glare.

“I’m afraid I have to disappoint,” Daichi said. “This is Sugawara. Michimiya’s best friend.”

Kuroo and Tsukishima shared a glance.

“Yeah, not convinced. Too much chemistry. Try Hinata, the simpleton would probably believe you,” Tsukishima remarks as he raises his cocktail glass and walks away to get himself another. Kuroo gave them his Cheshire cat-like grin before following Tsukishima’s steps. To make things worse, both Daichi and Suga can hear Kuroo add, “Really Tsukki? I thought it makes sense. I mean, look at him! They can’t possibly be dating, pretty-eyes is way out of Sawamura’s league.”

 _Ignore it, just freaking ignore it_ , Suga tries to tell himself.

“Yet another one,” Daichi said with a casual chuckle although his face turned slightly redder, “Sorry for that.”

“I guess that’s what happens when you go to a black-tie event with anyone other than your partner,” Suga said while trying to sound as if it is no big deal.

Daichi places his empty wine glass on the table, “What do you want to do now?”

“Anything that doesn’t involve meeting people, please,” Suga says. The amount of times people mistaking him as Daichi’s lover is exhausting (physically and emotionally).

Daichi looks around and considers his options. His eyes widen in excitement as he asks, “You dance?”

Suga’s eyes widen in both shock and confusion. _No, I don’t and neither do you, at least not in this life_.

“Ballroom, I mean. Not twerk or dab or whatever the trend is now,” Daichi adds quickly.

“No,” Suga answers, “But apparently, you do.”

Daichi laughs rather nervously. “Not exactly, but I did practice because Michimiya, despite her antiques, likes these kinds of things. And it’s not like I get invited to these kinds of parties all the time—besides all my kouhai are too barbaric to get anywhere near the dance floor, it should be okay.”

Suga looks at Daichi in disbelief.

“Unless it’s too weird for you!” Daichi adds almost stuttering. “Ah, what the hell, I can’t believe I even thought of ballroom dancing to begin with. I even asked _you_ , oh god, you’re probably creeped out by now. I’m not usually like this, please believe me—“

“You know, what the hell, let’s do it,” Suga says and immediately stopping Daichi’s words.

 _Actually, Daichi, you are like this_ , Suga notes. _You’re the well composed crown prince, well, at least until you met me_.

Suga sees the way Daichi regains his composure. He takes Suga by his hand, yet again, and leads the way. “It’s not that hard, come on I’ll show you.”

They’re playing with fire and Suga understands that more than anyone. At some point the curse will take place and everything they’ve been doing this evening does nothing to slow the cycle down. Even if their reincarnation circle isn’t in the way, there’s Michimiya—and the idea of stabbing her in the back pains Suga, it really does, but he never could stop loving Daichi.

 

*

 

Daichi’s right. It is surprisingly easy (as long you’re not taking the lead). It only took Suga a couple tries before finally getting the foot work. Suga swears he can hear Tsukki’s _not a couple my ass_ from a distance but Daichi assures that Tsukishima is not a kouhai they need to worry about.

It’s a little bit past midnight when they decided to call it a night. Both Suga and Daichi’s breath sounded alive after rounds of dancing, laughing, and occasional teasing every time one of them steps on the other’s feet. I feel like we’ve done this before, Daichi noted at some point, in which Suga responds with an enigmatic chuckle.

In every lifetime Daichi will always fall for Suga, including this one. Sometimes it takes a while, other times it happens immediately. They are tied by the red thread after all. So when he offered to walk Suga to the train station, he may or may not intentionally choose a longer route through the city park. At the beginning Suga seems to be putting a distance but as the night went on, he loosens up and by the time they hit the dance floor, Daichi felt like he finally found something he’s been missing. Daichi finds himself craving for Suga’s hand in his. Daichi likes the way Suga stands close to him, leans onto him, either on purpose or not. He adores the way Suga’s eyes shine, the way their fingers intertwine as the palm of their hands are in contact. He likes how Suga is warm and beautiful in every sense of the word, he likes how _familiar_ Suga is.

“The station is right there by the exit,” Daichi said as he points to the far end of the well-tended park, “Actually there is another station not far from the party venue, but I just love this part of the city. Especially at night when the lights are on and the sky is clear.”

Suga hummed a response. He knows, yes, Daichi always has a thing for late night walks. Perhaps it’s traces of their first life somehow making its way to their present one.

“Oh look, this fountain is designed by a famous contemporary artist,” Daichi stopped his steps to point at the said fountain. The lights surrounding the place gives a romantic vibe along with the subtle sound of running water.

“But of course you know that already. You’re an architect.”

“Yeah, I do,” Suga said with a brief smile, “But only because Michimiya forced me to that class trip to architectural landmarks around town.”

“It’s kind of weird to be the only ones here,” Daichi mentioned as he looks through the empty fountain, “There are usually lots of people during the day.”

“Want to sit down a bit?” Suga offered as he points an empty bench facing the fountain.

Daichi nods and leads the way to the said bench. For a moment there Suga didn’t care that Daichi is Michimiya’s boyfriend. Suga lets Daichi grab his arm as he leans on to the doctor as they sit side by side on the bench. Daichi boldly encircled his other arm around Suga’s shoulder because it feels damn right.

“This might sound crazy,” Daichi said slowly, “But this feels oddly nostalgic.”

 _Because this has happened before_ , Suga mentally answers. The castle garden in their first life also had a beautiful fountain and they often spend time together there; while leaning onto each other just like this.

“This whole evening feels nostalgic,” Daichi adds. “Like a very long déjà vu.”

“That is odd,” Suga says in response, hoping his voice doesn’t reveal too much.

“We should hang out more often,” Daichi suggests, “You know at first I thought you hated me for some reason because you were obviously avoiding me. It took Michimiya some time to convince me that whatever it is, I’m not at fault.”

“I don’t hate you,” Suga tried to make himself look less like a Grinch, “I just don’t want to be in the middle of other people’s relationship.”

Ironically, Suga said those words as he is leaning on to Daichi.

“Michimiya is a wonderful person,” Daichi mentioned with a smile on his face.

“Agreed,” Suga said with both eyes locked to the fountain in front of them.

“She often tells stories from your college days. Koushi this, Koushi that. I think despite all the petty fights and cruel pranks–yes, I know about them–she sees you very highly,” Daichi complimented.

Suga lets out a small laugh, “She won’t shut up about you as well.”

“Oh oh please don’t tell me she complained about me always suggesting shoyu ramen whenever we go out,” Daichi said in alarm.

Suga shamelessly bursts out laughing. He knows exactly how Daichi can be peculiarly attached to his favorite food. That’s how he’s always been since their first life.

“No, nothing like that,” Suga assured.

“That’s a relief,” Daichi muttered under his breath.

Daichi realized that there is no space left between them as Suga gently rests his head on Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi held his breath when Suga slightly moved to get his neck to a comfier position but still on Daichi’s shoulder none the less.

“You two seem serious,” Suga said the first thing that pops into his head as an effort to avoid being caught in silence.

Daichi chuckled, “We’ve only been dating for a year.” However, everything they’ve been doing just this night alone; the way they hold hands, dance, walk side by side, and share glances doesn’t show that Daichi is in a relationship with someone other than Suga.

“She treasures you a lot,” Suga said with a smile and a broken heart.

“I know,” Daichi said, surprisingly vague.

“That doesn’t sound right,” Suga commented carefully.

“They say in a relationship there is always one who loves the other more,” Daichi says almost in whisper. “I think it’s her.”

Suga slowly turns to face Daichi.

“I mean, I like her. A lot. I wouldn’t date her otherwise, but I often feel like I don’t deserve her,” Daichi continues.

“We never feel like we deserve the ones we love,” Suga shares his piece of mind.

“Are you speaking from experience?” Daichi asks in hopes that he isn’t invading too much privacy.

It took a while before Suga responds with a nod. There was momentary silence until Suga asks with a light chuckle, “Do you always have these kinds of conversation with people you don’t really know?”

“No, but you’re easy to talk to, so I made an exception. It’s actually comforting,” Daichi says. “Besides I feel like I know you. Weird, right?”

Suga turns his attention back to the fountain, “Yeah, weird.”

“Hey can I,” Daichi sounds a lot less confident compared to earlier during the party, “Can I ask you something?”

Suga sits straight and looks into Daichi’s eyes, “Sure, anything.”

“Do you think I’m meant to be with Yui?”

 _No_.

“Yes,” Suga answered too fast for Daichi’s liking. At this point he regrets turning to face Daichi because hiding his facial expression is much harder this way.

“You don’t sound so sure,” Daichi confronted.

“Why does my opinion matter?” Suga unexpectedly raised his voice. Finally, all his suppressed emotions are leaking out. Suga felt his chest aching as he adds, “You don’t even know me.”

“Because,” Daichi also turns to face Suga and gives him a sharp stare, “Because for some reason I care a lot about what you think of me. For some reason I doubted my relationship with Michimiya, which by the way has never happened before this particular evening. And for some reason I feel like whatever this is, means _something_.”

Suga threw his gaze aside and tries hard not to do something stupid, like try to kiss Daichi.

“Sugawara, do you like me?” Daichi asks carefully.

 _I love you, you idiot_.

“Because you certainly don’t hate me,” Daichi continues following Suga’s lack of response.

“Please answer me, Suga,” Daichi says with his voice getting smaller and smaller by the second, “Because honestly, as much as I care for Michimiya and cherish her, I swear it feels different when I am with you.”

 _Of course it does, we’re soulmates, no other bond can beat ours_.

“There is something I see in you that isn’t there in Yui.”

Suga felt a familiar twinge in his heart.

“If you think it’s nonsense then say it out loud and I promise I’ll never mention it again,” Daichi said slowly, “I don’t want to live the rest of my life questioning what if.”

“I don’t want to betray my best friend,” Suga breathes out.

“Honestly? We already have,” Daichi said with trebling lips. He too realizes his actions crossed a line.

The idea of hurting Michimiya pains him but he couldn’t stand this unanswered wave of emotion in his chest anymore. With Suga’s face aside and the dim lights around the fountain carefully illuminating him, Daichi couldn’t help but hold his breath. Not because of how gorgeous Suga looks, but because it feels like he’s filling the gaps Daichi has been trying to close. Daichi gently, carefully reaches for Suga’s hand.

“Who are you, really?” Daichi asks under his breath.

Suga doesn’t pull back when Daichi slowly moves his hand from his hand up to his arm. Daichi affectionately runs the tip of his fingers through the length of Suga’s suit to his shoulder and the side of his face. Suga froze at the touch, feeling the long-lost familiarity coming back and bringing memories with it.

Then, unexpectedly Daichi leans forward and presses his lips onto Suga’s. It was brief, more like a brush between their lips rather than a kiss because Daichi immediately pulls back upon realizing his actions, “I—oh god, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—“

Daichi pushes Suga’s shoulders away an arm’s length. His chest is pounding violently and Daichi cannot fathom why. Because he mindlessly kissed someone he shouldn’t have? Because he actually did it? Or maybe, because it felt right?

 _It’s ridiculous_ , Daichi thought. He only meets Suga occasionally, and never without Michimiya present. Tonight is the first time they spend time together, so this feeling as if Suga is something he’s been searching for his whole life—is ridiculous.

“Don’t apologize,” Suga says nearly in whisper. He takes Daichi’s tense hands off his shoulders and pulls him closer, “We’re doomed anyways.”

Suga leans in but instead of a kiss on the lips, Suga gave Daichi a gentle peck on his cheek.

He thought he’s being considerate. Daichi must be confused and he must be conflicted regarding relationship with Michimiya, but when Daichi turns his face aside, catching the side of Suga’s lips, Suga just knew he thought wrong.

It started slowly and gently but it only took a few seconds until Daichi hungrily deepens the kiss. Daichi’s heart skipped a beat as he felt Suga kissing back, equally passionate (if not more) and tilting his head for better access. Suga slightly opens his mouth and Daichi accepted the invitation to explore more with his tongue. Daichi breaks the kiss with a sharp inhale. He felt his face hot, he can see Suga’s lips rosy red as steam puffs in sync with their heavy breathing but he can also see tears running down the sides of Suga’s cheeks. Daichi is in loss of words. He cannot think of a reason what would drive Suga into tears and he intends to find out but Suga reaches for Daichi again and captures their lips together.

Daichi can feel the desperation, the need, and the slight taste of Suga’s tears. Instead of stopping, Daichi felt the need to hold Suga closer, like he’s going to break any second. So he does, Daichi runs his fingers along Suga’s hair as he lets the other takes the lead. Daichi just wished he knows why Suga is acting like his world is falling apart—and he suddenly does.

“Oh my god,” Daichi gasps and pulls away. However, it didn’t stop Suga from landing kisses on his cheek, along Daichi’s jaw line, and eventually to the base of his neck. Suga only takes sharp inhales in between devouring every bit of his destined lover.

“Oh my god, Suga,” Daichi groans in between Suga’s desperate touch, “Suga, ah, I remember – “

A soft mewl escaped his lips as Suga kissed a sensitive spot behind near Daichi’s ear. Daichi encircle his own arms around Suga and lingers on to the hug as Suga refuses to stop kissing and touching every inch of Daichi he can get.

“K-koushi,” Daichi calls now with a sense of fear in his voice, he must have remembered the curse and the reincarnation circle as well, “I love you, Koushi, only you. Do you hear me? I love you so much—in this life time, the previous one, and the next. Don’t ever forget that, okay? Never forget that – “

Unfortunately, forgetting is inevitable.

“I know Daichi, I know,” Suga whispers gently to Daichi’s ear. He finally calms down and hides his face in Daichi’s shoulder, trying not to let any more of his tears escape.

“Let me look at you, Koushi,” Daichi says. Suga doesn’t refuse but he keeps his gaze low, avoiding Daichi’s eyes. Daichi reaches for Suga’s face and pressed their foreheads together. He swipes his thumb over Suga’s lower lip, now visibly redder after being kissed mercilessly.

“Look at me, please, I want to see the way your eyes spark when we both remember who we are,” Daichi gently says and Suga reluctantly obliges. Daichi’s lips form a smile, a very pained one but sincere.

“The few minutes I share with you is to die for,” Suga says to break their silence, “Pun intended.”

Both let out a synchronous chuckle even though Suga will literally die in a matter of minutes and they are both aware of it.

“Be happy with Michimiya, alright? Do it for me. I want you to be happy and I actually like that girl – she’s much better than the guy you were dating in our previous life,” Suga said with trebling voice but still forcing himself to laugh.

“Oh, I swing both ways in past lives too?” Daichi asks.

“Well, you swing my way but yeah, I guess,” Suga answers, finally channeling the Lucifer in him and oh god does Daichi love this side of Suga. He sweeps strands of Suga’s hair off his eyes and steals another peck from his lips.

“Am I always the one who initiates the kiss?” Daichi asks.

“Yeah, you have very little self-control,” Suga says while acting all serious.

“You made me sound like a pervert,” Daichi frowns. Though he’s doing it on purpose, because he knows Suga will kiss his frowns away.

And he does. However, the smile on Daichi’s face didn’t last long as Suga’s eyes shoot wide open and the hand that was lovingly caressing Daichi’s hair rushes to clench his chest.

“No,” Daichi whispers at first. Then he says louder, clearer and he finally yells, “No, no, please no!”

It’s useless, obviously. Suga felt sudden excruciating pain in his chest. His whole body tensed and his grip became violently harsh, clenching to Daichi and to his chest as his head is thrown back in pain. Luckily, because of his medical training Daichi knows exactly how to react in emergencies such as this. Daichi carefully lay Suga on the cold damp ground and grabs Suga’s hand away from clenching onto his chest. Daichi can feel his own heartbeat racing as he saw Suga’s body tense up and his face showing a lot of pain.

Even if he didn’t study medicine, Daichi would still know that Suga is suffering from sudden cardiac arrest. That’s how either of them die at the end of every reincarnation circle. It’s fast, natural, and anyone can suffer from it even without a history of heart problems. Sudden cardiac arrest is a condition in which the heart suddenly and unexpectedly stop beating effectively or at all. When happens, blood stops flowing to the brain and other vital organs. Death follows within minutes if left untreated. Daichi felt a glimpse of hope the moment he got back to his senses and remembers: in this lifetime, he’s a doctor.

Daichi didn’t waste time as he rips Suga’s suit open and the vest he’s wearing underneath it. Daichi placed one hand on the left side of Suga’s chest and holding down his seizures. Daichi roughly loosen Suga’s tie, he presses two fingers at the base of Suga’s neck to catch his pulse. He tried to ignore Suga’s painful cries and concentrates on whatever he can do to treat him. He’ll need a defibrillator to restart Suga’s heart to its normal rhythm but it doesn’t seem like there is one in this park. Daichi forms both of his hands into CPR position and presses them harshly on to Suga’s chest.

“One – two – three, come on Koushi,” Daichi marked to himself, showing a sense of calmness in the middle of a medical emergency and showing his professionalism in the field. Despite his calm demeanour, Daichi’s hand pressed harshly while performing CPR, “Five – six – seven – work with me, please!”

Suga’s body stopped wildly convulsing however Daichi and his wide knowledge of the human body knows it is not the end of his battle. Daichi angrily checks for pulse again before repositioning his hand back onto Suga’s chest. He was about to start the CPR again if it wasn’t for Suga’s trembling hand reaching for his.

“It’s okay,” Suga says with all the strength he has left and it was enough to tear down Daichi’s defense mechanism.

“I can do something – please let me just try,” Daichi’s voice is at the verge of breaking, tears starting to form on the corner of his eyes while his hands attempt to form CPR again.

“Daichi… it’s okay,” Suga’s voice is barely audible. His fingers treble as he weakly gripped Daichi’s which are tensed in contrast.

“No, nothing is okay!” Daichi yells, angry and heartbroken. They both know nothing can stop the cycle from restarting and instead of wasting precious time, Suga would rather make use of the last few minutes left with Daichi.

Daichi slumped in defeat. He carefully let Suga’s upper body rest on his lap, ignoring the cold ground under him and held Suga’s head closer to his chest as he hugs him tightly, feeling Suga’s struggle not to violently react to the horrible pain in his chest. They silently kept each other company. Daichi whispered soothing words, thanking Suga for his existence, for his patience, for his love. Daichi then kisses Suga on his lips, on his cheek, on his forehead as his hand goes back and forth through Suga’s ash blonde hair hoping that it would give him comfort.

In between the pain Suga lets out a smile. Daichi never lets his gaze off Suga and after a few minutes he can see Suga’s eyes gradually lose its shine, shattering Daichi’s heart. Daichi thought after having Suga die in his arms countless of times in previous lives, he would get used to it.

Well he thought wrong.

“Until the next life, love,” Daichi whispers painfully as he close Suga’s eyes and gives his lifeless figure one last kiss.

 

***

 

Daichi had just finished fixing his loose shoelaces when he caught a figure approaching him and Asahi, the other first year joining the volleyball club. Daichi looks up and even though the sunlight coming from the open windows limits Daichi’s eyesight, the pleasingly disarrayed ash blonde locks in sight is enough to signal Daichi that the vicious cycle has begun.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Sugawara but you can call me Suga.”

 _I know_.

Suga offers them a smile, the same smile that drowns Daichi in every lifetime. His chest moves as he catches his breath and after a few seconds he gives out his hand to greet his fellow first-years. Asahi is the first to accept Suga’s handshake and follows to introduce himself. Of all possible timing, they have to reunite this early on? This is just torture.

“Hey, introduce yourself,” Asahi whispers and nudges Daichi with his elbow.

“Oh, right, I’m Sawamura Daichi from Izumitate Junior High,” Daichi quickly says his introduction and reaches to shake Suga’s hands. _Soft, whoa, are you sure you play volleyball?_ “Sorry I kind of spaced out. You remind me of someone.”

“That’s funny, perhaps we’ve met before?” Suga suggests.

“In this lifetime? I don’t think so,” Daichi answers, hoping that no one can sense the bitterness in his voice.

 _So it begins_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, reaaaally like that they've reincarnated into the canon universe xD I'm surprised I came up with that.


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